what can i thank my mom for?

i was thinking about this recently (and i'm sure this is a symptom of PTSD) and i don't really understand the purpose or logic behind my mom assuming if she just ignores all the neglect and abuse she's done to me- i'll just "sweep it under the rug" or accept it. she can try to play the victim ALL she wants but she's never brought up exactly what i had dreams about/the reason why my dad left my mom, brother, and i. she's basically to blame for the reason why my brother and i never really got to know our dad. the ONLY thing i can think of which she's actually managed to give me besides PTSD are weak kidneys and a weak bladder, so that i have to urinate at least 3 times every 2 hours or so it seems. thanks a lot. she just feels good to read that i blog about her, it doesn't matter that it makes her look bad or uncaring- probably because my family condones her behavior because my grandma convinced them she has a disability and didn't/doesn't know better. i used to think so also but then she was talking to me about something i blogged about.. how does she all of a sudden get the ability to read when she discovers i have a blog? a little coincidental to me. then my psychologist suggested that my nosey, fat sister was telling her what i wrote but i just got the feeling that she ACTUALLY read my blog and understood what i said because she asked me about some specific details on my post that it just felt like she read it- this interpretation coming from the AUTHOR of what she asked me about.. like you know whether someone is understanding from hearsay or if they actually read it THEMSELVES. it doesn't matter WHO told her because she got the jist of it and i don't have respect for either my mom OR sister considering it didn't solve anything by my mom actually knowing what i post on my blog. i don't write this blog for the entertainment or amusement any of you fucking idiots. i write it to get out what goes on in my life and so i don't forget things. when i mentioned "douglas" yesterday on my blog- i noticed my traffic went up.. i OBVIOUSLY was NOT referring to my RACIST cyclops ex. you serve absolutely ZERO purpose in my life. run along to your klan meetings. you're also one of the MANY reasons why i'm NEVER attending courage kenny again. i meet jackasses like you there. i'll pass. everyone is just lucky that i care enough to bring their incompetent excuse of a "rehabilitation institute" up. they caused me enough trauma by underestimating and neglecting my attempts to actually rehabilitate myself with a good attitude. i'm sure if i ask any psychologist if they can cause a person trauma by underestimating and taking advantage of their lack of advocacy they'll say "yes" if they're good, useful, and EFFECTIVE. they're NOT helping me get stronger.. wtf is the point of me attending that joke of an institute? GIVE STACY SOMETHING TO DO UNTIL WE SHOVE HER IN A NURSING HOME IN MINNESOTA! YEAH! SHE'LL BE RIGHT BY US AND HAPPY! IT DOESN'T MATTER IF SHE HAS OTHER PLANS.. i will seriously blow my brains out the day someone even brings up that shit. i promise i'll get myself kicked out and banned from EVER attending courage kenny or whatever other rehabilitation joke people come up with if i'm forced to go there. that of course, doesn't eliminate going crazy in the nursing homes either. amanda and the rest of my family are probably saying, "THAT'S ALL WE GOTTA DO TO GET RID OF HER?! CALL A NURSING HOME!" my grandma would be so proud and thankful for everything you've neglected to do for me. nice to see how much respect you have for your OWN aunt. *sarcasm* i'll never forgive you or her for refusing and neglecting to help me get where I wanna be in life.